At my age, I’ve gotten pretty good at dieting and getting healthy. Here are some tips that I’ve boiled down to ten points to ponder:
- If you really must diet, I have found 14-day diets to be the most effective. I don’t mean to brag, but … I finished my last 14-day diet in just 3 hours and 20 minutes.
- I found an excellent tofu recipe: How to prepare Tofu:
- Dice up the tofu and toss it.
- Grill some meat.
- Eat the meat and if you missed it in step 1., toss that tofu!
- My goal for 2017 was to lose ten pounds. Most of the way through now, and just fifteen to go!
- You shouldn’t really diet at all, though. When you eat healthy, you shouldn’t have to! I’m having salad for dinner, and I’m loving it! Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really one big flat crouton covered with tomato sauce and cut into slices. With cheese on top … melted cheese. FINE, it was pizza. I ate a pizza.
- Exercise is important, too. I just did a week’s worth of cardio. I walked into a spider web. Biggest damned spider I ever saw! I think. I left it about three miles behind.
- But you shouldn’t spend all your time worrying about weight and fitness. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer … than men who mention it.
- I love being over 50. I learn something new everyday. Same thing as yesterday, I’m told.
- I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented … I forgot where I was going with this.
- But really, senility has been a smooth transition for me.
- I hope that helped, because I’m about done here. But just to be sure – wily critter that I am – I think I’ll put that “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day. Let me see … where did I put that?